So yes, I hated him, he seemed so satisfied with himself. I broke down, I cried and screamed and couldn’t believe the nightmare I was finding myself in. Once I had calmed down, he continued to explain his actions or rather, should I say, justify his actions……now remember, this was in front of the counselor. He maintained that he didn’t go out looking for it, but realized we had problems when this women came around, he blamed me and said I made him do it………thankfully the counselor put him in his place and reminded him that I am not responsible for his actions.
He told me that the affair had been going on for a year, he explained he had feelings for her and although he didn’t admit it, he clearly told me with the aim of leaving me for her. I was shattered. We parted ways, and agreed to talk again the next day. I had to drive myself home while he non chalantly walked off and bought himself something to eat, I couldn’t even think of eating, I could barely drive by myself but none of that seemed to bother him, as long as I had left him so that he could go back to his mistress and tell her the good news, he was happy. I don’t think he ever felt remorse or guilt in that moment or that day, it was something he needed to get off his chest and to him he felt as though he had done something wonderful for his and her future together…..to him, it was a step in the right direction……he was finally rid of me.
Talking the next day, he was still so smug but now with a serious tone too, it was like I had suddenly become his business partner, he was formal and kept talking to me as if I had intruded on his space and that I was a sales person he was making time for under duress. This was my house, where our daughter was growing up and I felt like a stranger in it. Sooooo, what did we talk about? Well, I wanted to make it work…. I wanted to give him a second chance.
After some thought, he reluctantly agreed, now this is where I feel like I could have looked a little deeper, the evident reluctance in agreeing to stay with me and the hostile tone and nature towards me should all have been alarm bells that he never ever had any intention whatsoever of ever ending it with her………..I sit here today and I’m still confused as to how desperate I was. I loved him, I always have and to top matters I suddenly felt territorial, he was mine, he married me and no women was ever going to lay a claim on him, I was prepared to fight and take back what’s mine with force. She would lose.
So, we tried to start over, I put in an immense amount of effort into my marriage, we went to counseling, I arranged date nights, I arranged picnics for the 3 of us at home, we were starting to connect, however, this women was still working with him, he insisted that it had ended it and that he had to talk to her to make sure that she understood why things had ended. I was so obsessed with connecting with him on every level, I was obsessed with making him realise that he had taken me for granted and that he has always loved me…….he did admit that he never stopped loving me. Months went by where every single day things got better, he was extremely loving and affectionate, we had definitely connected, to add to that, he had taken full responsibility for his actions, he was truly remorseful and felt extremely guilty, if ever I asked a question he would answer, whenever I cried he would console me, he was really coming to the party and this was not for lack of the occasional interference from her………..now, you will probably notice that I have not made much mention of my feelings towards her, to be honest I don’t feel like she is worth the energy, but you need to understand what I was dealing with……..she was a narcissist, in fact a narcissistic psychopath and I unknowingly found myself fighting a women that thought that my husband was hers…….like in really……she saw them as married and I was the third party in their relationship.
As time went along, he shared with me how insanely jealous she was, how she constantly accused him of sleeping with other women, he told me how she blackmailed him by threatening to tell me if he didn’t stay with her, he told me how she had confronted a lawyer to find out what her rights are to my daughter………………NOW, DON’T POKE THE MOTHER BEAR, how dare she, is that how sick she is, that she can actually think that she has a right over my daughter, I can’t……..I can never move past that and as much as I have been raised to forgive, I can’t forgive her for the many things she did, tried to do and said, she is the true definition of a narcissist, she only ever used my husband to fulfill her own needs (whatever those were), he fell victim to that and the stupid idiot could not within that year realize how completely insane she was. He shared so much with me, he told me how she tried to convince him that I was never right for him, she tried to get him to phone me and ask for a Divorce, she offered to pay our house up so that he could leave and no longer worry about me and any financial obligations. He told me how they discussed getting married. it was all so painful and I struggled to hear all of this, it hurt so much and it still does.
As months and years went by, we were an unstoppable force, we could just not get it wrong, he truly loved me, couldn’t get enough of me, he made so much effort and we did together. He had, in my eyes, turned a corner, grown up, taken responsibility and we were happy, so very happy. Now……..you must know the saying………”too good to be true”. I had to travel for work during one year and it was during the latter part of the year where I noticed some odd things, like not being able to reach him and somehow he always seemed to make the Wi-Fi the scapegoat, I started to get suspicious again, but I was confused, his behavior towards me didn’t change at all, he was still so loving and caring, so it was me, I was going crazy, but then I did have trust issues so it could just be that. So…….you may ask……is there a twist in this story? Oh hell yes, otherwise, why would this be an interesting story?
The secret life after infidelity 